On Turning 30 and a Shout-Out to my Peeps!

Were you wondering if I was ever going to make a real post again? The weekend exposure posts have been fun, and I'm very glad that B has created them as a way to communicate thoughts and feelings without words. At the same time, I want to be better about communicating with those of you who care to check this blog, and let you know what the heck is going on with me.

It would be easy to say that I haven't had time to post, and it would be mostly true, as well, but the whole truth is that I haven't had the energy to post. I don't know that there has ever been a time in my life before when having time to do something and having energy to do something were two different things. Time used to be the limiting factor, but lately, even when there is time to spare, I'm lucky if I can muster up the energy to do the dishes, let alone put together a coherent sentence or group of sentences for a blog post. I feel a lot like this statement from a book by Ursula K Le Guin:

"Try to choose carefully when the great choices must be made. When I was young, I had to choose between the life of being and the life of doing, and I leapt to the latter like a trout to a fly. But each deed you do, each act, binds you to itself and to its consequences, and makes you act again, and yet again. Then very seldom do you come upon a space, a time like this, between act and act when you may stop and simply be. Or wonder who, after all, you are."

I guess this means I'm getting old? Which leads me to the whole "turning 30" thing....

No, I don't really think that thirty is old. I do see it as a milestone, however, as I figure about 1/3 of my life is now in the past. I have tried to reflect on what parts of the last 1/3 of my life I would like to carry on into the next 2/3, and what parts I want to leave behind and say, "when I was young, I used to..." with an air of reflection, if not regret, hopefully followed up by a, "but now (that I'm a grown-up) I..."

For the most part, I'm quite happy with the way the first 1/3 of my life has turned out. I get to be a doctor, which has always been my dream, and even though it is a tough profession, which has contributed greatly to my stress level and lack of energy, most of the time I think it is worth it. I am happy to have a lovely home, and to be living close to many of my friends and most of my family. I am so thankful for my friends and my family--near and far--for the way you all buoy me up when things start to suck, and celebrate with me when things rock. If you are reading this blog, then I am talking about you. Thank you.

The things I would like to leave in the past 1/3 of life and not carry on into the next 2/3 start to sound like a list of New Year's resolutions, and I don't necessarily want to bore you with the details, but hope to report successes to you as I replace the "I used to's" with the "but now I's".

Next week I start 4 weeks of inpatient medicine, which means I will mostly be living in the hospital, followed by 4 weeks of Labor and Delivery, which means I will have 24 hour hospital shifts every 3rd day, so things are going to continue to be a bit rough as far as actually getting sleep and having energy for anything besides work, but after that, I'll be out of the proverbial woods, and hope to be better at blogging and being a decent friend etc. Bear with me. We'll get through this!

Last, but not least, I want to do a shout-out to Nolana. I've always felt a special bond with my aunt, Nolana, probably because I was ALMOST born on her birthday (but came a day later). When I was a little girl she lived with us for a while, and I WORSHIPED her. I remember her trying to teach me to say "fingers" instead of "thingers", and speaking of "thingers", I got in the habit of popping mine (much to my mother's misery) because she used to pop hers, and I wanted to be JUST LIKE HER. I lived for her attention, and I loved it when she would paint my fingernails or pin me down for a tickle attack. I think I still have a ruby heart necklace that she gave me for my birthday when I turned 8 or so. Nolana is AMAZING at keeping in touch with people, and she NEVER forgets an occasion. I have received birthday cards from her every year of my life, and anniversary cards from her every year of my marriage. She makes every person in our very large extended family feel like they are important. She SEES us. That means a lot to me, and I try to be like that. That said, I FORGOT to send her a birthday card, and that is why it is important to me to do this shout-out to her today. Nolana, I want you to know that I love you, and that I see you, and that there are still so many ways that I want to be just like you when I grow up. Thank you for all the ways that you show me and our family that you care. You have, on so many occasions, gone the extra mile, and I hope you know how thankful I am to have you in my life.

Cheers!
Allie.