Dear March,

I know I was a bit under the weather--doped up on Nyquil and behind on my sleep--when you arrived, and maybe I didn't welcome you with the gusto that you deserved, but March, you have been a shit so far, and I don't mind saying so. I mean, I know they say you come in like a lion, but do you need to rip out the throat and heart of every single day--sometimes before 10am? It makes it hard for a person to even have the will to get out of bed in the morning, you know? Do me a favor, and settle down, March. Let's have your lamb-like attributes starting maybe, oh, now? Sound good?

Thankseversomuch, March.