2007 Confessions: #2--The "Patti" in Me
It is said that a man marries a woman who is like his mother. I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but I shudder to think I am ANYTHING like my mother-in-law, as much as I love her--No, NO! It couldn't be true, could it?
Confession: There are ways in which I can see that it is TOTALLY true. And here, now, for your entertainment, is a list of ways in which I am like my mother-in-law:
1) I'm a people-watcher. I am always watching people and listening to people--trying to figure out "what's going on with them." I want to "get the dirt", and I may have, on occasion, been known to gossip. In my mother-in-law I call it, "nosiness" and I can't pretend that I'm not bugged to death when her nosiness is aimed in my direction, but in those instances, I also can't help but see that I'm merely the subject of her people-watching. I'd like to think that I'm a little more subtle in my practice, but, who knows, maybe many of you out there think, "Allie's sure nosy!"
2) This one goes along with people-watching a little bit. I really like to meet a stranger--like the lady that works at Starbuck's or the guy watching the front desk at school--and chat them up. I love to connect with people--get to know them, find out what makes them tick, what they're interested in, where they came from, whatever. A world of strangers can become a world of friends pretty quickly if you take the time and the initiative to just talk to people. Most people are dying to tell their stories. Patti does this all the time. She can run into someone at a casino or standing in line for a dinner table, and get lost (quite literally) while having a conversation with her newfound friend. And although I feel slightly mortified when she tells a man at a table next to us that his dinner looks amazing and asks him what he ordered (isn't there an unspoken rule against looking at other people's food?) or when she asks a woman at the table next to us if she can take her baby home, I know that its just her way (sometimes misguided) of striking up the conversation that might just make a new friend.
3) This is the confession I think I'm the most embarrassed about. I'm a picker. When I was little girl, I would search my body over for any little scratch or scab or imperfection that I could pick. If I could make it bleed, I could probably get my mom to put a band-aid on it. I used to think that I picked to get the band-aids, but 27 years of life have shown me that I'm just driven to pick. Even when I'm doing something else--reading or watching tv--subconsciously my hands often run over my arms, my face, my head looking for anything that stands out to the touch and needs to be picked. If I find something to pick, and my husband catches me picking and tells me to stop, it's like a splinter in my mind--that spot!--that spot that needs to be picked and I haven't picked it yet! The drive to pick comes and goes--usually its worse around PMS or times of high stress. I know its the most actual OCD thing about me. Guess what? Patti is a picker too. She'll even wear band-aids on her face or arms because she picked something to the point of bleeding.
4) Patti is also a very thoughtful and loving person. She loves to have her family and friends around her, and though she'll work hard preparing for company, she'll also worry the entire time that she should have done more. She loves her pets like they're her children, and she loves children--anyone's children, but especially her grandchildren. It breaks her heart to see someone she loves hurt or struggling, and she'll do anything she can to help--even when it means showing some tough love. She's very quick to forgive--even when she's really been hurt--because having peace and love is more important to her than being right. She loves to play games, and she really loves to win when she plays, but she's not a sore loser if she doesn't win. These are things that I can also relate to in her, and maybe I can even work on being more like her.
I'm actually very lucky to have a mother-in-law who really loves me and is happy that I married her son. I've heard plenty of horror stories about mothers-in-law who were not nearly so willing to graciously give their sons away.
Okay, so I did it--I found a few ways that I am like my mother-in-law. How 'bout the rest of you? Any confessions?
posted by Allie at 4:42 PM
5 Comments:
The idea that a man marries someone like his mother bothered me for a lot of years. Wes's mom was one of my least favorite people, but I also could see some similarities between us. I tried to focus on the differences, but I could still see my tendencies toward martyrdom and victimhood. I hope at least that I am not as unconscious as she is about the hurtful things that I say to people. It is never my intention to hurt anyone. Well, almost never.
I know exactly how you feel!!! Bravo for being brave enough to point out some of the similarities!
PS I'm a picker too :)
LOL. Maybe I will have some interesting stories after I get married, but right now, I can't really join in that conversation.
I've been trying to think about the things that Mary Jane and I have in common, and I can only come up with a couple things, and they're both a little embarassing:
Mary Jane completely relies on Jay's Dad for just about everything. Even the stuff she knows how to do, she still wants him to verify she's doing the right thing before she does it. It's something that makes me crazy. BUT, and I hope I'm not as bad, but there are some things that I completely rely on Jay to know, like car issues and how to fix things.
She also is very creative and thinks up plays and songs and writes poems, like I do, but neither of us do too much to make our dreams reality.
Hm... How am I like Linda? I guess there are a couple similarities. Linda is SO thoughtful of other people. She's always doing nice things, like taking someone dinner, or leaving surprise gifts for people in her neighborhood who can't afford much. They have a lot and I really think they try to give a lot to others when they can. I try to be that way, but I'm not nearly as good at it as Linda is.
Linda really enjoys music. She loves to play the piano, or listen to Gary play. I love music, but I haven't touched a piano in a LONG time.
Linda also really loves her family. They are everything to her, and I feel that way about mine as well. I hope my family knows how important they all are to me.
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