The Island Is Not Done With You

aka: How $60,000 in your bank account can be a tragedy.

So, here's the scoop, with as little drama as possible:
My life as a doctor here has been hell.  I'm working way too hard for way less than I was promised when I moved here.  My physical and mental health have suffered.  My relationships have suffered.
I am bound here by 3 contracts, all of which I was willing to break when I turned in my letter of resignation on July 27th.

Contract 1: with the clinic--isn't up until November of 2013, if broken I would have to pay back the moving expenses they paid to bring me here which was about $4,000

Contract 2: with the hospital--isn't up until July 2013, if broken I would have to pay back a portion of the moving expenses they paid to bring me here, about $10,000, but I could pay it monthly until paid off.

Contract 3: with the government--this is one I signed to get $60,000 of loan repayment money.  When I turned in my letter of resignation, I had not received one penny of that money.  I called the government organization and sent an email as well, and let them know that I was resigning from this position, and that I didn't want the money.  Less than a week later, the money was magically in my bank account.  I called again and said, "I told you I didn't want the money, because I'm leaving this site."  The lady said something like, "Now that you have the money though, it is a contract with the federal government.  Do you really want to break a contract with the federal government?"  I said, "I told you I didn't want the money.  Just take it back."  She said, "We don't want YOUR money, we want your service.  If you break the contract, you will have to pay the penalty."  Looking back through the paperwork that I got when I signed up for this loan repayment, the penalty is 3x the amount you were given PLUS interest, so I would owe more than $180,000 if I leave now.
What this means:  This contract is up in April of 2014, so until then, here I am. 

The good news: I have finally--over a year later than I was promised, but whatever--received the loan repayment money that was one of the BIG things that brought me here.

More good news:  My boss, who has been VERY SHADY (and who is probably a pathological liar with some borderline personality disorder thrown in there) is no longer working at our clinic.
Officially: She has resigned, and we are grateful for all of her years of fine service.  
Unofficially: The Board had a meeting with her after they read my letter of resignation (which she somehow failed to give to them when I actually resigned) and my 4-page follow up letter listing the reasons for my resignation, and it was after this meeting that she officially resigned. 

So, until at least April of 2014, I will be here.  If you wanted to visit, and you were sad that I was leaving because that meant you wouldn't be able to visit, REJOICE, because you can visit!

I actually do feel okay about this.  The entire thing has been pretty devastating, I won't lie.  The thought of staying until my contracts were up with things the way they were was devastating, and I was in tears almost every day the last few months.  I was considering, seriously, starting anti-depressants.  It seemed like a no-brainer to break the contracts and leave.  The problem was that once I made the decision to leave, I had so much anxiety--it was not a relief, like I thought it should be--and I was still in tears every day.  When the $60K showed up in my bank account, and I felt like it was the final nail in the coffin that had he buried alive here.  Again, I was devastated, and in tears every day.  But the thing is, it made me turn around and fight back, and for the first time, something felt right.  I started to tell my side of the story to people who would listen, and for the first time I felt like I was being heard.  Now "the boss lady" is gone, and things seem better and brighter in the clinic.  I hate to say it, because as messed up as it sounds, she was actually a really good friend to me outside of the clinic, but it feels SO GOOD to be rid of her.

There is still a lot that needs to be fixed.  The other doctor in our clinic is leaving soon, and once he's gone, it's just me, so in that way things are not getting any better any time soon, but by turning around and telling my story and getting the TRUTH out there, I suddenly feel like I have a lot more support from the hospital, from other doctors in the community, and from the board.  I feel like I have NO IDEA how we're going to fix things, but I believe that we can.  The Little Momma had a good analogy:  It's like electing a new president.  Nothing else changes, and there are still all the things that the old president messed up that need to be fixed, and it is going to take years of hard work to fix it, but at least you have hope that now maybe you can fix it.

Moral of the story:  You can't leave the island until the island is done with you.

Cheers.